Rememberment, Chapter X: Everybody's Got Issues

Dad got very ill and had to go to the hospital. After he had stayed there for some time, the doctors told us he probably wasn't coming home anymore. I didn't believe them - I was sure God would help him. And eventually Dad did come home, but he was weak. It was clear that he couldn't work anymore and had to retire permanently. This meant that our poor family was now going to be even poorer, and that Mom had to work even harder - not just to earn money, but because she had to care for Dad as well. 

Ari started his business and Tapio was working with him in the workshop. It started out pretty well, too, which helped feed our family. But the workshop was also a constant source of fighting - Dad didn't agree with all of Ari's decisions, and Mom didn't agree with either of them. Ari and Tapio also had their quarrels: Ari wasn't the easiest of bosses and Tapio wasn't the easiest of persons overall. I once saw the two of them trading punches, and was so disturbed by it that I spent most of the evening just crying in my bed.

Mom got her own health problems. In just about all her jobs she had been using all kinds of cleaning chemicals for all her life, and probably because of that, had developed rheumatism. Her hands were often sore and swollen and they had to be injected with gold. I once asked her if it was real gold, and she said yes. I found that very odd.

As for me, my ears didn't get infected so often anymore. Now it was my sinuses. For many times I had to sit in the doctor's waiting room with metal sticks up my nose (which was how the anesthetics were administered). The doctor would then hand me a bowl to hold on to, stick a needle inside my nostril and press it forcefully until there was an audible *crunch* as it penetrated the bone. Then the doctor would rinse my sinuses until all the mucus came out into the bowl. It wasn't my favourite thing in this world, but it was a quick relief (and it still wasn't as bad as puncturing my eardrums).

Things weren't perfect at school either. In my first year, I had accustomed to how easy it was because I could already read when it started. But now there were new subjects, and I had trouble adjusting to the fact that I had to pay more attention in class. And I didn't enjoy sports - our sports teacher was also the vice principal and an actual sports coach, who to me seemed to favour the kids who were already good at hockey and football. I didn't suck at every sport - for some reason, high jump was one of the things I was good at, as well as anything that would involve throwing things with accuracy. But I totally sucked at pretty much everything else. And since my parents had so little money, the equipment I needed to bring from home was old and worn. I was often teased for being so crap at team sports and because of my crappy gear also.

But it turned out I was good at something else. Our teacher had us learn a play that would include singing. We practiced for quite some time and when the time came, parents of all the kids were invited to see our show. I had a clear and loud singing voice and didn't have any trouble staying in tune. A local cantor somehow found out about me, and wanted to play the piano while I was singing in an upcoming Christmas party for local journalists. I was terrified, but eventually agreed. 

I was the only kid in that Christmas party. It was all very formal and everyone was wearing fancy clothes. I was nervous, but did my duty. For my troubles I was treated to a fancy meal and also received a little book of poems by Jörg Zink. One of the poems went like this (translation by yours truly):

I don't wish upon you a life

with no troubles or challenges

for what would you do with such a life?

Instead I wish

that your life won't go to waste,

I wish that your hands and your heart go strong.

That grain would grow where you plow,

the bread of body and soul

and that among the straws there would be flowers.